korrektur lesen

[Annator]

Bitte einmal korrektur lesen.

Zitat:

Information about the temperature transmitter “YTA 110”


Dear Sir or Madam

I note from your advertisement on your homepage, you sell temperature transmitters which operate with Pt100 temperature sensors.

We are a German refinery for gasoline and lubricants. We are planning to extend our temperature monitoring for one of our oil-burner furnaces. That’s why we are interested in the temperature transmitter “YTA 110”.

Could you please send us a manual about this transmitter with connecting references and capability characteristics? Please also quote the delivery time, the price for one unit and the shipment charges. Would you be prepared to grant us a discount, if we order 10 units?

We look forward to receiving your answer soon.

Yours faithfully



XXXXX
Purchasing Manager

[Kryp7on]

althrough i'm not quite sure wheater it's better, I would change the red parts

Zitat:

Information about the temperature transmitter “YTA 110”


Dear Sir or Madam

According to an advertisement at your homepage, you sell temperature transmitters which operate with Pt100 temperature sensors.

We are a German refinery for gasoline and lubricants. We are planning to extend our temperature monitoring for one of our oil-burner furnaces. So we are interested in the temperature transmitter “YTA 110”.

Could you please send us a manual about this transmitter with connecting references and capability characteristics? Please also give us your approximatly delivery time to Germany, the price for one unit and the shipment charges.
Would you be prepared to grant us a discount, if we order 10 units?

We look forward to receive your answer soon.

Kindest Regards



XXXXX
Purchasing Manager

[Grobblin]

Zitat:

Information about the temperature transmitter “YTA 110”


Dear Sir or Madam

According to an advertisement at your homepage, you sell temperature transmitters which operate with Pt100 temperature sensors.

We are a German refinery for gasoline and lubricants. We are planning to extend our temperature monitoring for one of our oil-burner furnaces. So we are interested in the temperature transmitter “YTA 110”.

Could you please send us a manual about this transmitter with connecting references and capability characteristics? Please also give us your approximatly delivery time to Germany, the price for one unit and the shipment charges.
Would you be prepared to grant us a discount, if we order 10 units?

We look forward to receiving your answer soon.

Yours faithfully

IMO it sound better, because a higher education in english.

Zitat:

Dear Sir or Madam

SHouldn't it be "Dear Madam or Sir" and isn't there a , missing at the end? Oo

[Kryp7on]

Zitat:

SHouldn't it be "Dear Madam or Sir" and isn't there a , missing at the end? Oo

well, I think both phrases sounds quite clumsy, I would write s.th like "hello [companyname]-team" or maybe just "hello"?!

Zitat von Grobblin:

IMO it sound better, because a higher education in english.

hehe, I wish my english teacher would read this either ^^

[Annator]

Zitat:

SHouldn't it be "Dear Madam or Sir" and isn't there a , missing at the end? Oo

I don´t know. But there is no commar.

@Kryp7on
Thank you for this. Looks nice!

[Grobblin]

Zitat von Kryp7on:

well, I think both phrases sounds quite clumsy, I would write s.th like "hello [companyname]-team" or maybe just "hello"?!

no that would be bad because it's supposed to be a formal letter. and a simple "hello" wouldn't appear professional at all IMO

Zitat:

hehe, I wish my english teacher would read this either ^^

yeah, well ... I did other things by the way so I didn't pay too much attention to it ^^

[Annator]

Zitat:

no that would be bad because it's supposed to be a formal letter. and a simple "hello" would appear professional at all IMO

Yes! Sir or Madam sounds like a shit. But its more formal.

[Grobblin]

Today I got a letter of recomendation written by my English teacher here in the USA. She wrote a commar after the "Dear Sir or Madam"!! So I assume that there has to be a commar.

[Annator]

Zitat von Grobblin:

Today I got a letter of recomendation written by my English teacher here in the USA. She wrote a commar after the "Dear Sir or Madam"!! So I assume that there has to be a commar.

Only in formal letters there is no comma.
Google knows the answer.

http://www.ego4u.de/de/cram-up/writing/comma?02

Zitat:

Der zweite Fehler passiert meistens beim Komma nach der Anrede "Dear Sir or Madam,". Üblicherweise lässt man dieses bei englischen Briefen weg. Es ist an sich jedoch nicht falsch. Nur müssen Sie folgende Regel beachten: steht hinter der Anrede ein Komma, so muss auch hinter der Grußformel ein Komma stehen. Steht hinter der Anrede kein Komma, so darf auch keins hinter der Grußformel stehen.

[nino]

Zitat:

Please also give us your approximatly delivery time to Germany

this is wrong. the adverb is written "approximately" but why do you use an adverb anyway?
imho "Please also give us your approximate delivery time to Germany" would be correct, though i think "also" on that position sounds a bit strange.

[Hakkerstiwwel]

Zitat von Grobblin:

Today I got a letter of recomendation written by my English teacher here in the USA. She wrote a commar after the "Dear Sir or Madam"!! So I assume that there has to be a commar.

In English always:
Dear Sirs, (regardless of the sexe)